A FINAL FANTASY WEEKEND!
by DopeyTheChosen1
Summary: What do the final fantasy characters of 7 through 9 do at the end of a long week of fighting bad guys? Well, first they play truth or dare, then they get drunk, then it's back to fighting crime! in a way. rated for language. chapter three is up!
1. Truth or dare

I own nothing... oh yeah! when something -is like this- it means that this is what the character is thinking. This was meant to be a one shot, but now has three or four chapters.

-DORK-

Yuffie and Selphie: Who wants to play truth or dare?

(assorted men from final fantasies 7 through 9): nooooooooo…..

(assorted women from same final fantasies): yeeeeaaaahhh!

Rinoa: Okay, I'll go first! Um…. Vincent! Truth or dare?

Vincent: …….whatever……

Rinoa: okay…truth! Did you really eat a dog?

Vincent: Yes….

Rinoa: Was it good?

Vincent: A little chewy…but good….

Rinoa: Okay, you're t—

Zell (interrupting Rinoa): HOTDOG! (snnnnnorrrre)

Seifer: Dumbass.

Squall: You're the dumbass.

Irvine: Wait, I thought I was the dumbass.

Selphie: Nah, you're the dill head!

Quistis: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! VINCENT! YOU'RE TURN!

Zell: HOTDOGS IN HEAVEN! (snore)

Vincent: … Cid.

Cid: Dare! Unlike some wussies I know.

Vincent: … (evil grin of doom) I dare you to not swear for the rest of this fic!

Cid: WHAT? WHAT KIND OF 'KING DARE IS THAT?

Yuffie: Oooo… Valentine, what happens if he swears?

Vincent: This. (Shoots Cid with gun) haha.

Cait Sith: Hey Cid! You got something on you're face! (referring to smoke and blood from gun) might wanna' wash that off.

Cid: Shut up. Okay, my turn. Yuffie.

Yuffie: hmmm…-I don't think I want a dare when he's in such a bad mood-… truth!

Cid: Well, have you ever returned anything you've stolen?

Yuffie: (GRIN) NOPE!

FF7 gang: Whaaaaaaaaat?

Yuffie: (bigger GRIN) Yup! You know the materia I stole from you guys? I only returned Cloud's marbles!

Cloud (deep in thought): then how did we defeat Sepheroth without it? I used a lot of magic from the "materia".

Cid: WTF? Oops. (gets shot again). Goddammit Valen-- (Bang bang!)

Yuffie: my turn! Seifer.

Seifer: dare….duh.

Yuffie: hmm…ooooooooooooh…. I'll need advice on this one. (whispers with Selphie.)

Selphie (big eyes): oooooooooooooooooooooo….yeahyeahyeahyeah!

Yuffie: ahem. Seifer Almasy, I dare you to kiss…no, make out with Squall!

Squall: Wait…how'd I get dragged into this?

Zell: MORE HOTDOGS! THE MOTHER OF ALL HOTDOGS IS SMILING UPON ME! (snore)

Cid: Now that's 'ked up.

Vincent: Happy Birthday. (aims cannon -(I don't know where he got it either)- at Cid)

Cid: Wha? It's not my birthd- NOOOO! (BOOM! cid is unconscious.)

Zell: HUH? WHA? THE HOTDOGS ARE UNDER ATTACK! NOOOOO! I'LL snore SAVE snore YOU! snore snore

Squall: (holding gunblade in Seifer's face) come near me and die.

Seifer: awwwwwwww. Do I hafta'?

Selphie: yes!

Squall: NEVER! (runs into other room)

(in other room) Tifa: Hi, Squall, what are you running from, hmm? (drags Squall out) I'll hold him!

Selphie: YAY! (Grabs Seifer and presses him against Squall) kissy kissy! (tickles Seifer until his mouth is open, shoves him on Squall)

Rinoa and Quistis faint from stress. Zell had seen it all, he had woken up when Tifa had come into the room because Squall had been screeching "NO".

Squall and Seifer: GAHHHH! I'M INFECTED WITH IDIOT GERMS!

Selphie: Well, Seifer, it's your turn…Seifer? (he and Squall had fainted.) Uh…Zell! Truth or dare?

Zell: Uh…..Uh…Uh…Dare! Wait, I meant tru—

Selphie: Sucks for you! I've waited a long time for this! Mahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (have you seen the chrono crusade Christmas special? Well, if you have, Selphie looks like Rosette when she rosette is laughing about the Christmas donations she and chrono and azmaria have collected.) I dare you to go without hotdogs and corndogs for a whole month!

Zell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! If I commit suicide it's all your fault, Selphie Tilmit! TAKE ME NOW,LORD! Oh yeah, before I faint, Irvine, truth or dare?

Irvine: Dare.

Zell: Stay off your meds (inside joke) for a month. REVENGE! HAHAHAH- Faints

Irvine: Aw crap.

Cid: ZELL! YOU 'KING IDIOT! A HYPED UP IRVINE, YUFFIE AND SELPHIE IN THE SAME ROOM! MY 'KING GOD!...oops… (BOOM! cid is knocked out again)

Vincent: haha. (dog runs in, then runs out) DOG! FOOD! (chases it out)

Rinoa: So, he really eats dogs? (Yuffie nods) um….

Irvine: Okay, my turn…Cloud.

Cloud: Dare, I guess.

Irvine: Well, according to my watch-

Selphie: your watch doesn't work

Irvine: So? A game starts in five minutes, I dare you to go streaking through-

Cloud: WHAT?

Irvine: While singing the barney theme song.

Cloud: Aw man…Damn it…this is worse then dressing up like a chick…

Aris/Tifa: But that was funnier!

Cloud: Shut up! Well…Um… (dead people recover and Vincent returns) Vincent!

Vincent: I don't like Labradors…They have no flavor at all…Huh? What?

Cloud: I dare you to eat someone (Vincent starts to transform) without transforming.

Vincent: Uh…Who do I eat?

Laguna (he, ward, kiros, and raine come in): Squally! I found y- omigod! (Vincent shoves him in his mouth)

Kiros: Oh crap! Laguna! (attempts to pull Laguna free) Not working!

Raine: ("dracula's castle music" playing) Let go of my husband you son of a bitch! (beats Vincent on head with a frying pan)

Yuffie: Wow…You just beat up Vincent Valentine…Can you teach me the secret of the almighty frying pan? (she and raine get into a conversation)

Squall: Damnit Vincent! You almost ate him!

Vincent: Shut up.

Raine: What the Hell is going on here?

Yuffie: Well, frying pan lady, Cloud dared Vincent to eat that guy. (pointing to maimed Laguna)

Raine: Truth or dare? Someone give me a dare!

Irvine: Oops! Games starting! Come on Cloud! Heheh.

Cloud: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? (the two leave)

Selphie: I dare you to go two days without your frying pan.

Raine: WHAT? ARE YOU ASKING ME TO LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AS LAGUNA LOIRE WITHOUT MY FRYING PAN? YOU MAY AS WELL BE ASKING ME TO LOCK MY SELF IN THE LUNY BIN! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? FxxK! I-- (Vincent shoots at her) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD?

Vincent: Oh…I thought you were Cid…NO NOT THE FRYING PAN! (Raine maims Vincent…. Maybe I should have rated this for violence and gore…?)

Yuffie: Wow… (glare from Vincent) I mean, oh my god! Poor Vincent!

Selphie: well, it's two in the morning, we should go to sleep.

DORK

Well, chapter one, what do you think?


	2. 99 bottles of beer and a new teacher

Disclaimer: I still don't own any final fantasy characters…except those made by my friends…nope, they threatened me—so I own nothing what so ever.

- 0 -

A Final Fantasy Weekend Chapter two

- 0 -

The next day…

Cloud/Irvine: (bursting in door holding six packs of beer) 9999 bottles of beer on the wall, 9999 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 99-

Vincent: Shut up you dumb asses! Can't you see I'm trying to sleep!?

Yuffie: Hey…Beer! Hey everybody! Beer!

--five minutes later—

Yuffie: 9999 bottles of beer on the wall, 9999 bottles of beer! Come on! Every body!

SILENCE

(Yuffie continues to sing)

Selphie: hahahahahaha (laughing uncontrollably, Ellone joins her) hahahahaha

Ellone: What the hell are we laughing about?

Zell: Man, this crap is better than hotdogs any day!! (hic!) hahahahahahaha!

Seifer: I wuv you Squally!

Squall: Oh, Seify!! (they start making out and laughing their retarded little heads off)

Rinoa: My ex and my boyfriend…that's disturbing… (she suddenly starts laughing along with them)

Quistis: How come I'M the teacher? I'm only a year older than…Squall? Are my classes boring?

Squall: Uh-huh. (looks at watch) holly shit! Quistis! I'm going to be late for your class!

(everyone in the class runs out…leaving the others to wonder where the heck Squall got the watch…)

Irvine: (there's all these booze bottles around him and cloud) shit cloud, heehee, you are one hell of a streaker. hic! but you totally screwed up your dare.

Cloud??

Irvine: you were suppose to sing the BARNEY theme song, not teletubies.

Cloud: ah, so what?

Raine: Laguna! gimme' back that beer!

Laguna: NO! (runs out door, they can still hear him yelling 'no' as he is chased down by a pack of hungry wolverines) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Raine: guess I had better go help him. (leaves, you can hear her killing wolverines)

Kiros: hey, look! Ward is so drunk he can talk again!!

Ward: huh?

MEANWHILE

Quistis: Alright, class. I've decided that I'm so 'king boring that ya'll can do what ya'll want! (chucks booze to them) now for some music! (pulls a boom box out from nowhere.)

Seifer: Hey, Squall? Did she just pull that out of her ass?

Squall: uh…I don't know…

-0-

Headmaster Cid: (walking down a corridor, hearing shouts and loud music coming from quitsis's room.) What the hell? (opens the door to see Quistis on a desk, breakdancing to "I like to Move it Move it" and the rest of the class either knocked out or watching Squall and Seifer going for the championship of beer chugging.) Quistis, you're fired.

Quistis: Thank you, headmaster Ciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!!! (spins on head and falls of desk.)

Headmaster Cid: Class, this is your new teacher, M. Howard. good luck, (runs away)

Howard: Every one drop and give me twenty!! (yes, this is a woman)

TO BE CONTINUED…

-0-

Poll: even though i have yet to play these final fantasies, should i try to use 6 and 10 by using what i have heard of them?


	3. the atomic burp and an unlikely hero

A FINAL FANTASY WEEKEND: CHAPTER THREE

By: Raeko Narra

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Selphie: Hey, Seifer, challenge you to a coke chugging contest.

Seifer: No way.

Squall: Hey, dumbass, challenge you to a coke chugging contest.

Seifer: You're on, dumbass!!

Selphie: Aww…

(2,345,323 bottles each of coke later…)

Squall: Ah, man, I gotta' big burp coming on…

Seifer: Hold it in, I have a plan of how to get rid of Howard…

(In Quistis's, I mean, Howard's class)

Howard: and that was very important because blablabla…(ranting on and on about something that happened a thousand years ago that has nothing to do with the original assignment…)

Seifer: 3-2-1…

Howard: and then THAT was real crazily important because—

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

(The class room shakes.)

Howard: WTF WAS THAT!?!?!?

Class: …. … … …DON'T HURT US!!

Howard: hmm…okay, class, spell CAT.

Zell: Uh, what does spelling cat have to do with military personnel?

Howard: DETENTION FOR TALKING WITH OUT RAISING YOU HAND!!

Zell: I was just wondering…

Howard: SILENCE!! (then she uses her ultimate attack…) REFERRAL!!!!

(Zell is turned to stone.)

(the "oscar meyer weiner song" plays sadly…)

Selphie (with a really big sweatdrop): um… isn't cat spelled K-A-T?

Howard: NO! REFFERALL!!!

Irvine: Selphie! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (attempts to shoot the evil Howard, but the bullets just bounce off) Ah, fu—(turned to stone)

Howard: Now, class—

(is intereuppted by Laguna barging in)

Laguna: prepare to die, evil spawn of Adel!!

Howard: REFFERALL!! (No! Laguna-kun is turned to stone too!)

Howard: Is this really the most powerful people you have? I want a challenge! (door opens) Hmm…a new challenger?

Challenger: WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Class: it's…it's…CRASH BANDICOOT!!??

Howard: No matter, REFFERALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

Crash: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

(the two attacks meet, and a sonicboom goes off, destroying the class room, and most of the garden actually…)

thus, the day is saved, thanks to…

CRASH BANDICOOT!!!

DUHDUHDADUHDUHDADADA!!

(FF victory song)

-0-

sorry that this last chapter is so freakin' short. oh well, have any of you read Van Von Hunter? If not, you should!! check out to read the web comic and get info on the book series. trust me, it's funnier than TRIGUN!!!


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